Dairy

–DAY 1–

LIGHTS UP on MEREDITH, sitting in a chair. BRYAN enters. There are a series of signs sitting STAGE RIGHT. These signs will be used to indicate what day it is.

MEREDITH: Hey, how was the doctor?

BRYAN: Fine. He said I’m allergic to dairy.

MEREDITH: Oh, that explains a lot, Farty McMilkFart.

BRYAN: Bugh.

MEREDITH: So you’re gonna quit eating dairy?

BRYAN: Yeah. Shouldn’t be a big deal. No milk? Whatevs. I mean, I can’t even remember the last time I drank milk.

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Blackout History Month – Feb. 28th: Lifeboat II

Welp! This’ll do it. Thanks to everyone who looked at one or more of the blackouts, even when they looked like they were pulled directly out of my ass. I’m actually pretty surprised this exercise went as well as it did. I love you all!

-LuBu

LIGHTS UP on BRYAN and ERIC sitting in a lifeboat, drifting in the middle of the ocean. OCEAN SOUNDS play in the background. BRYAN tries to squeeze water out of a canteen, to no avail.

BRYAN: How many days since the ship went down?

ERIC: Two.

BRYAN: You know they may never find us, right?

ERIC: Yeah.

A long pause.

ERIC: I’m bored.

BRYAN: I’ve got the home version of Name! That! Anal! Infection!

ERIC: …oh, alright.

BLACKOUT!!!Lifeboat

Blackout History Month – Feb. 27th: Polar Express 2014

LIGHTS UP on a GRANDPA, sitting in a chair and opening a large book. GRANDDAUGHTER and GRANDSON sit on the floor in front of him. CHRISTMAS MUSIC plays in the background.

GRANDPA: Alright kids, I think you’re both old enough now that we can start a new Christmas tradition. We’re gonna read The Polar Express every year. It’s about a train that takes you all the way to the North Pole.

GRANDSON: What’s a train?

GRANDDAUGHTER: Oh you know, it’s where at least seven guys all fuck a girl one by one. It has to be at least seven though.

GRANDSON: Oh, okay.

GRANDPA, mouth agape, slowly closes the book. BLACKOUT!!!

 grandpa

Blackout History Month – Feb 26th: Sun

DARKNESS. An ANNOUNCER speaks.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.): From the creators of the cult classic “Moon” comes a sequel you’ll never forget. Duncan Jones presents: “Sun.”

LIGHTS UP on an ASTRONAUT

ASTRONAUT: I’M BURNING ALIVE!! THE HEAT ON MY BODY FEELS TERRIBLE! IT STINGS SO BAD! IT WAS MORALLY RESPONSIBLE TO SEND ANYONE TO THE SUN! I REALIZE THAT NOW! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

ANNOUNCER (V.O.): Coming never, because it’s a stupid idea.

BLACKOUT!!!

sun